29

I'm 29 today. If you asked my 3 year, 8 year old, 15 year old or 22 year old self if I'd ever be 29 they'd all say, "No!...that's old." And now my 29 year old self to those selves can say, "Here I am and I still feel 3, 8, 15 and 22." A friend of mine wrote his thoughts about birthday's that I think sums it all up.

See, what they don't understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your twenty-fourth birthday you expect to feel twenty-four but you don't. You open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's today. And you don't feel twenty-four at all. You feel like you're still twenty-three, and twenty-two, and twenty-one, and twenty and so on and so on. And you are - underneath the year that makes you twenty-four anyway.

Some days for instance, you might say something bratty and that's the part of you that's still thirteen. Or maybe some days you might just ride your bike all day in the mud and get nothing done and that's the part of you thats six. Sometimes you need to call your mom and dad because you're scared and don't know what to do and that's the part of you that's eight. Other days you will wake up next to your spouse and hear your baby playing in the crib and you feel like you're thirty. But there are always those days when even after you are all grown up and really are thirty, you will still need to cry and you feel like you're three. That's what I tell people when they're sad and need to cry... maybe you're feeling three.

This year is such a different year and not necessarily in a bad way. Different in the sense that this is the first year I have ever felt a sense of indifference toward my birthday. Typically I LOVE my birthday, I love YOUR birthday, I love ALL birthdays and you'd know my birthday was coming up at least 4 weeks prior to the actual day. But this year I have actually had to remember my birthday was actually coming up, and quick. It's the last year of my 20's and I have loved my twenties, definitely one of my favorite decade out of my three (actually I have loved them all.) I guess it's just that there is so much more going on in this world than just the birth of me. My universe has broadened to a much larger scope.

I sit here and look at the irony of where I am in my journey of self. My 19-year-old self, the one with gauged ears, new tattoos and pink funky hair could have never conceptualized a more conservative, spiritually-religious, one color of hair (and it's a natural color) me. But she's just taking it all in and reminds me to not take myself so seriously. My three year old self is LOVING it because she is playing real live house day-in-and day-out. My big little 8 year old is so glad I haven't hung up the cleats. My 16 year laughs reminding me that I am NOT invincible to the police and can still get a ticket just for speeding. My 20 year old self reminds me that I can do hard things and can and will get through tough times. My 23 year old keeps my social life alive wanting to keep meeting new people in hopes of gaining new friends. And 29, so far so good...no complaints.

29 potentially has a lot in store. Every year has a lot in store but this year of all years could be very different in very different ways. I am always up for the adventure. Always up for change. I am excited to meet another self and see how she adds to the pot of me. It's wonderful to have all of my years right there along with me giving me permission to be 3 and cry, to be 18 and dream the unthinkable and have the gusto to make it come true, to be 25 and spontaneously adaptable.

So Happy birthday to me and all of my little selves...thanks for joining me through our so called life :)